I am noticing a few layers of a conversation - the top busy talk, of exchanging words - it can be fast, in the head talk talk talk. So fast, that after the conversation is over, I reflect and go, what just really happened there? A few times recently this happened, and as I landed from the whirl, got more grounded, anger was a foot.and wondered is this for me to just feel or tell the person how I feel. Learning to do this - to identify, what the anger is saying - I feel disrespected, I feel ignored - maybe a boundary has been crossed. I know it is me who is in charge of my boundary, and can I also say this - talk about it. so I don't betray myself. Is this part of new responsible relationship? To not blame... and take care of communicate one's feelings. Oh yeah self care.
I hear myself saying ideas like this conversation is co-creation, a partnership - when people call up for feedback about another relationship, yet what is going on in the here and now. This is where the real action is. All of our relationships are the same - our relationship with ourself, expressed outwardly -and why would it be different with a girl friend or lover? Do we reserve our truth for those deamed special - and waffle over the others? Do we treat our inner parts that way, the vulnerable parts? Isn't that dividing ourselves? Not respecting all? Oh I value this person more then this other person, or is it I care - mutual respect, win win. And attending to to what is being witnessed
Are you experiencing any of this and how are you dealing with it?
I discovered some beliefs or patterns that are no longer working for me. It was interesting - a layer of embarrassment was there too, like I shouldn't be here, yet this is not being kind. We can not have any self competition on the spiritual path, it is more about noticing it and not making oneself wrong for it and letting it come out, releasing it and validating our awareness.. Embarrassment - being found out, like I am gong to be judged or punished, is a picture that can keep one from seeing what is really underneath it. Like who is being the God of my heart, my higher power. I know my higher power is unconditionally loving. So this is what can come up when we are taking a step.
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