I don't remember very often that this is my wedding anniversary - 32 years ago. I am not married , yet I wonder about that younger part of me who decided to get married -
I am already pregnant - who needs this idea of marriage - who needs it? I don't think I do. But family is giving me a lot of opinions and pressure that this is important. In the shower on the morning of, I notice a lot of action in my higher awareness. As I step out to dry myself I am certain this has a vast spiritual content, not just the legal piece of paper we will go get signed and witnessed. Spirit is witnessing here too, phew.
A simple ceremony at the New York City court house in downtown Manhattan. With my dad accompanying me, we hail a taxi on the lower east side of Manhattan. It is taking forever, the ride down excruciating ssssssssslllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwwww. We get confused by the two identical buildings - which is the right one? We climb the stairs to the first, there is nothing going on here, down the stairs and across the plaza to the other building, and up the stairs, to be met by panicy almost in-laws and my husband to be.
"Hurry, you missed your turn, but they are waiting for you!"
We get in, a bouquet of roses is thrust into my hands and we stand before the judge as he recites the legal vows, and we say "I do"
Sometimes when I am struggling in a new time, I like to remember times before that were new... where there was nothing at first.
I decide to take a class in clay. Every one else at the table is busy on their projects. I sit with this hunk of clay in front of me, blank. I pick it up and squish it around in my hands. This is good, maybe just enough for today, I don't have to make any "thing".
The teacher comes by " Clay drys out fast, you need to move fast" How do I move fast? What does that mean? Something about her encouragement gives me permission to play. Not take it so SERIOUSLY. I separate the gob into a few gobs, and stick my finger in, to make a hollowness to build around, a pinchy here and here is sort of looking like a "someone". That is enough!
No, there could be more maybe. I see something in the next gob, a shoulder! I build up, smush up the sides, poke here, scratch, maybe this ok. I can do that again. I am getting tired. I push and two more little beings emerge. I don't know if they look like anything, but I am ok, I did it. I made my first little clay people.
Are you making anything new in your life? How is it going?
I don't keep trackof the moon cycles although they are with us anyway, the energy is supposed to be helpful in cycling through creating and releasing. \
Do you notice this in your life?
in a dream.. I am driving on a highway in the snow. I seem to have two cars on the road (?) Anyway I pull over because it seems to be getting too slippery. I take a nap and wake up as the snow conditions have improved, so I start to move again. I notice a lot of other cars ditched along the road.
Then another part of the dream, I am watching a card game, and it seems complicated and full of emotional manipulation. I become confused and disheartened. I go out to my car and drive it into a snow ditch, at a 45 degree angle! I can tell it is a concrete box, just with snow all over.
I realize, Ah ha, I am stuck, I don't think I can get my car out of this without help. Then I call for some help. The teacher who is helping me is showing me some obsolete home technical gadgets at a garage sale.
Hum what have I been buying into?
Time to update.
MOMENT BY MOMENT