My kundalini is burning up my vagina like the wild fires in the mountains west of here.
A mostly empty gallon water jug sits next to my bed. I reak of valerian.
A little boy at the pool candidly observes "Hey Mommy is that baby dead?
Loading the cart with food at the grocery store, "KIDs, we need to go, I need to find a tree to hug."
"But Mommy ??? can we leave the food.. in the cart..."
"Hurry, we need to go NOW!"
We are between homes, staying at a Best Western- me, my husband, two kids and tiny baby Josephine - til our new apartment becomes available.
Now, 20 years later, I know more about grounding, so I don't need a tree. ( for that anyway)
But the same sort of overwhelm is coming with a new beginning, that is not triggering my survival, but my creativity.
Funny how it feels the same.
Then, I practiced the 5 minute plan, to just get through whatever chaos I was in, eh, sometimes the 1 minute plan.
Now, and in the past several years, when I am learning something new, I have my timer and my grounding. I am in a new space, can I be with it for 5 minutes today, something else might be for 30 minutes. The grounding cord, for spirit and timer for being in time, are helpful to assimilate to a new learning environment. I am making a free grounding cord meditation you can listen to, to learn to do this for yourself wit other tools to follow.
Do you have any tools that you use to help you with learning?
I deleted this entry, but I will put it up again.
I do intuitive drawing, it is a way to connect inwardly- this image came forth last night after I did a session of LENS. LENS is a technology to reawaked and connect parts of the brain.
So I went to try this out, with a woman who has had challenges with brain trauma also. She worked slow and gently. My body was a bit anxious, as it often is. She placed some things on wires to reduce anxiety and parasympathetic holding that is common. I began to relax more
She explained that she would be testing 21 areas of my brain. Maybe not all today. I checked that it was OK to do 14. She attached the wires and did 2 second vibrations.
Once deep deep deep, something sighed, and tears came. Another time a slight melting feeling. "That could be blood flow she said. This technician validated my awareness and the need to communicate what I was experiencing - she was not just doing something to me, we were working together.
When the 14 points were checked, she showed me a graph. I could see one column that was very high, while the others just bumped above the ground and most non-existant. "Well that part of your brain is working and we are going to wake up those others in the next sessions. And see that image of color blobs in black is some areas are working, but are far from other parts, disconnected.
I thought of something I tell myself sometimes to wrap my mind around this idea of brain injury, " Jill you are operating on 1 cylinder"
So now I am curious and excited about what it will be like to have more. I can have more. I feel the drawing is expressive of this
I am realizing I have been a bit stuck, in some energy. Onward
I have been in a few different consciousness expanding groups of people, learning environments. I find while I am in them, it is pleasant, and helpful, to understand myself more, then when I am on my own, alone, I struggle to navigate my day. How do I bring the grace into my every day? maybe it is there and I need to choose to appreciate it.
I feel that I am learning to bring the dynamic qualities expressed in the group, back into my own life.
That we are all in the same boat, all of us on this planet, here to help each other, and validate ourselves.
I have the ability to communicate with spirit, so sometimes, quite a bit, I need to say hello to these souls, who are looking for some communication. They may or may not have bodies, so don't care about taking care of it. I have one, so need to develop structures that I take care of myself on all levels
This is what meditation is helpful for.
Thank you for listening.
What are you thinking about these days?
I love going to the Rec Center. I like to see what I notice, about myself and the atmosphere, what are we all saying?
Today I noticed the atmosphere in the locker room, lots of children about, singing "I hurt my elbow". The jubilation of having a voice, the pure pleasure of creating a sound. A chorus of joy that had nothing to do with the words.
MOMENT BY MOMENT