I am not feeling very good, a bit ungrounded and agitated. To have the idea that transition is smooth - the inbetweenness. Right now I am feeling uncomfortable. I can not even decide whether to plant flowers on my deck - I called a few people to reach out, and one friend called back agreeing that he feels a bit stuck too.
Phew, it is not just me
I have been noticing I am worried about rent and money - survival issues- the rents are going up up up - I said I am becoming the effect of those energies - I am good at that - ha what would I do with myself if I was not matching something?
Perhaps the question is - if I a going to match - this is short for being the same vibration as- what do I want to match - fear and worry or - joy and peace.
My friend asked how I was doing with my brain injury. I need to stretch my back to keep the flow going so my head stays more open. That is a daily exercise among others.
Daily - attending to- breathe and let go.
I was listening to a meditation, that our minds create our reality, so to know what the mind is creating subconsciously is a practice that takes alot of kindness and nonjudgement to explore.
I have alot of fighting going on on this level, one idea that is beside another and they are each fighting to survive, getting louder and louder. I am real, pay attention to me. No I am, and there is only so much space here, I am most important, I will be the better investment for you. No no, I am real, real real.
One is saying you need to be___________ to be, and another do ___________, and have ________ to be.
But I already am.
I am seeing these are ideas I don't have to keep enlivening with my energy. I am imagining a big balloon with all of this and letting the gas out, my energy - to return to me.
It is embarrassing to realize I have been letting myself be controlled by these ideas, on a subconscious level. But even the embarrassment can be a control energy that keeps me hiding. Like being a child and feeling like you did something wrong. I think that is the ego , the bully playing with one's feelings, to stay stuck.
It is challenging to see this alone, I find it helps to share with other people to find objectivity - neutrality. I can't see my own stuff all the time by myself - that is why we have each other and it is more fun to laugh with someone too.
MOMENT BY MOMENT, HERE TO SHARE.
This blog is one way I share my self expression. My system of well-being is based on what is showing up, right now. I am an appreciator, having infinite conversations