 a few friends have approached me with the question about reaching out...
I will share my one of my own experiences. I asked for a healing of my hear several months ago. As the guide was working on my heart, he said 'you are not alone, every one here has the same issue. Your heart hurts from not connecting, that is the anguishing pain (constriction) you feel. First connect with the whole, then ask is there some person I need to connect with?" I shed two or three buckets of tears. As the evening was coming to an end I asked myself "Is there someone here that would be good for me to reach out to?" I intuitively got a yes of a particular person. I got my courage up and asked her if she had time to chat afterward. She was open to this, and we had a valuable conversation. Courage - of the heart - is a present time soul ability, that grows as we use it. Not having expectations or taking it personally are also soul abilities that grow with practice. And being unconditionally kind to ourselves also grows with practice. There is no failure. I hope this helps, please let me know how it goes! Love Jill  In my dream, I am sculpting a turtle, it is pretty big, like a see turtle.
It is up side down. Apparently I have made the shell first, it is rather fragile, I keep running into it as I reach inside to make the body. I pause and walk around my creation and notice these decorative images sort of like two dimensional Indian dancers - all the same, repeating around the outside of the turtle. I don't like these, they feel obsessive compulsive - repeat repeat repeat- ugh, I can feel it, over and over. I edit them( mush them back into clay). Thinking that is not what I want to express. I don't need all that decoration, but it was there, some part of me made it Is it that simple to just delete that pattern? Or do I need to go back and study it, try to solve it, make friends with it. I will take this awareness into my day today and notice if this is showing up. I have been working on my heart protection (shell) so maybe this is part of the process. I like the idea of create and destroy, is it part of me I am destroying? or my creation? Maybe there is a more gentle and kind way of being with, instead of deleting - there might be some fine resources in those dancing figures to re configure... Looking at the map, and translating that into the physical terrain in a leap of faith for me. I am at the Brainard Lakes studying the map. The Lake is visible from here. On the map the lines of various thicknesses seem to be pretty simple, around the lake and here and there. I will just go around the lake, on the trail that looks big. I walk toward the lake, the view is spectacular- gorgeous - people fishing, absorbing the beauty in their various enjoyments. Families beginning or ending their treks. I am so glad to be here on Saturday, with all these folks, it feels so good!!! I find a concrete road, which seems to be the path... ? it is very wide, I'm not sure if it is actually a road for cars. I like this road/path because it is not so stimulating as going over rocks and through the flickering light of trees. I don't have to worry so much where I step. I am so grateful, Yay I got here! There do seem to be trucks that pass, more like service vehicles. I study the lines on the road... Eventually, a jovial man with an Irish accent coming along on my side of the road shouts 'walk toward the cars, international law...then you can jump off the road if they are being maniacs...' I rest at the trail head. A soft grey bird comes to visit at the picnic table. This is enough for me today, I can drive up to this trail head next time. Walking back down, I take the turn. After a few moments it does not look very familiar. Didn't I pay attention to my surroundings coming up the road? Maybe I spaced out.. this is so not familiar, I am going up hill... Panic is rising. I do not know where I am. Gosh, I have been in this sort of situation before..,severing the tenuous idea that I trusted I knew where I was going...feeling very closed in... what to do...It's ok Jill, you are a bit out of your comfort zone, just breath, ground. I stop for a moment. For some reason I felt like I have to hurry to figure this out... but I take a moment to calm down. I just did not want to feel the panic- just end please- but gosh, if I didn't feel that, I would not have paid attention that I was actually off course! I turn around, and go back toward where I turned. On the way a couple comes out of the woods. They are lost too. At the intersection other folks also a bit disoriented are waiting for a guy to arrive who is very familiar with the park. They are to see the Moose! Momentarily he arrives and explains that both roads go around the lake back to the parking lot. Ah yes, I remember that image on the map. Comfortable now, I proceed on the road to complete the loop around the lake. I can tell I have just timed this adventure with enough endurance to make it around. The other hikers seem a bit frazzled and as we walk the gal questions me about whether this is indeed the way back. I feel certain now, and give her assurance. Almost there, a rock calls me to sit down, the breeze through the trees is a song, the smells of the high country bushes, spicy somehow. The mountain is not going to let me get up until we have a good conversation. "...so glad you made it, see how strong you are - you did it. I have been waiting patiently for you, forever. You know this is what I do, I am always, always here for you" whoosh, so much love around showering down in the rays of light. Back to my car,resting before the drive home, a merry group, a big family all in a line with the grandfather at the tail with his 9+ feet hand carved walking stick and colorfully dressed ladies shuffle by.. 'boy do I need a nap.. where is our car...?  |
